I didn’t see it coming. I was on my way home from work when a car hit me at an intersection, spinning me across the street. I flew over a median that was four feet tall and hit a truck. As confusion and shock set in, I stayed in my car until the emergency vehicles arrived. I was taken to the emergency room with trauma to my neck and back. After many tests, a surgeon said that I would have to have two separate surgeries. The first surgery on my neck would prevent eventually being paralyzed, and the second surgery would be on my back.
After the first surgery we were forced to sell our home and get a fixer-upper to be able to pay bills. I couldn’t work, shop, drive, or do simple chores at home. I was overwhelmed with all the limitations, and depression began to set in. Two years later, I wrote in my journal that I didn’t know who I was anymore. I asked God to show me how He sees me. We had been looking for a new church, and after a few weeks, we found Freedom Church. The pastor said they were starting a new series about helping people find out who they are in Christ. God had brought us to the place we needed.
In a service in 2015, I was healed of all pain in my neck and back. I was able to stop taking the pain medication that I had been on for six years. I am still amazed at God’s grace and deliverance from the pain and misery I lived with every day.
I had asked God many times who He had designed me to be. One day on the radio, they were talking about God’s design. It suddenly became so clear! Through all the pain, depression, worry, fear, and anxiety, God had been molding me to see people, not circumstances. The God who took nothing and created galaxies, planets, sunsets, drops of water, cells, and things so tiny and complex and beautiful was shaping me to be who He called me to be. He created each of them to have a specific purpose and plan, fitting everything together so perfectly that we can only hope to grasp it all. So why not me? Each artist or designer has a plan or idea when they start a new work or project. A potter knows how they want their work to look or feel, a sculptor the shape or feeling, a painter the strokes and just the right color, setting, and the perfect light. Each artist uses every aspect of design to get the desired effect needed so that every time someone sees or holds their masterpiece the person knows that specific design was created by a master artist with a purpose in mind.
I know I’m not finished being changed or molded to God’s design. But I know through everything, He has never let me down. He never let me go, even when I wanted to give up. I Timothy 1:12 says: “For I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I’ve committed unto Him against that day.” God knows where we are at all times and is with us through everything. We are in the palm of His hand.
Romans 15:13 tells us where true hope is found, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”
Scripture verses to meditate and pray:
“May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you.” (Psalm 33:22)
“Why are you downcast, o my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” (Psalm 42:5)
“Find rest, o my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him.” (Psalm 62:5)